A Skeletal Romance
by yapyap
Summary: Valkyrie knows what she likes, and in this case, she likes Skulduggery. A whole lot. A Skulduggery/Valkyrie romance, rated M for a very good reason. Be warned: Skulduggery is very much a skeleton here. If the idea squicks you, don't click.


A/N: This is the result of a rather deranged plot bunny that bit me one fine day and wouldn't let go, until I'd written it down, encouraged by a few friends (which enables me to lay all the blame on the shoulders of JunoMagic and refya). If the idea of Skulduggery, in all his skeletal awesomeness, getting some lovin' squicks you, go away now. Skul is a skeleton, and a very fine one, and in this fic, Valkyrie happens to like him just the way he is.

Valkyrie is over 18 years old in this fic.

Many thanks to refya for beta-reading this.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, settings, the Skulduggery Pleasant universe or anything else that is recognisable from the books. I make no money from this.

* * *

Valkyrie let out a deep breath and pushed herself up from the warehouse floor. She looked around, taking in the scene in front of her.

"I think we're done here." The smooth voice came from behind her.

She turned, not bothering to keep the grin off her face. "Looks like it. The Cleavers can take it from here, I assume. I'm dying for a shower." She prodded the nearest unconscious body with the toe of her boot.

* * *

The ride home – to Gordon's house, as she still thought of it, despite moving in three months ago – was uneventful. Skulduggery kept his attention on the road, staying uncharacteristically quiet. It was clear from the way he held himself that something was on his mind. Valkyrie stole a glance at him every now and again, half hoping that he'd look back at her and half fearing he'd do just that and deduce what she was thinking.

He parked the Bentley behind the house, as usual, and stayed in his seat.

"Aren't you coming in?" she asked, even though she figured he wouldn't. He always drove off right away. "I won't be long. We can… do something, or…" She trailed off, not sure how to express her desire to spend more time with him. It had been so much easier when she was younger. So much more innocent. Now, unless they were actively working on a case, she felt as if every word she said would somehow let him know the way she felt.

Her stupid, stupid heart. Crushes really shouldn't last this long. Or be this… intense.

Skulduggery tilted his head towards her. "If you insist. I had plans for tonight, of course."

"You did?"

"Weekly choir practice, for exceptionally talented skeletons. Haven't I mentioned it before?"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes, as he got out of the car and followed her inside.

* * *

"Make yourself comfortable," Valkyrie called over her shoulder, her mind already on the shower – no, make that a quick bath instead. She didn't think she'd been injured in the skirmish, much, but there would be the usual bruises and scrapes. A nice healing soak would be just what she needed.

She tried not to think about Skulduggery being only a few rooms away while she was in the bath, naked, and failed miserably. At least it wasn't likely that he would be thinking about it. He'd probably found something more interesting to do, like chat with her dead uncle or read a newspaper. Damn that man. Skeleton. Whatever.

Ten minutes of soaking was really all that she needed, so she dried herself off and pulled on a bathrobe. She was still absently playing with the ends of the belt, trying to come up with some suggestions of what to do with the evening (watch telly? put on a film? do a crossword puzzle together?), when she entered Gordon's study.

He was there, as she'd expected, his back to the door, deep in conversation with Echo-Gordon.

"Oh, there you are!" said Gordon happily.

Skulduggery turned and… No, he couldn't possibly be staring at her legs, could he? Valkyrie frowned, wishing, not for the first time, that it were easier to tell just what he was looking at. From the angle of his skull, though, it was either the floorboards or her legs, and she didn't think the floorboards were all that exciting.

Perhaps there was hope for her after all?

She cleared her throat, feeling her cheeks flush.

He cleared his, too. In his case, she was fairly sure there was no actual physiological reason for that.

"You have legs," he informed her.

"I've noticed."

Echo-Gordon looked at Skulduggery, then at Valkyrie, and back at Skulduggery again.

"Am I interrupting something? I can go away, you know. Even if this is _my_ study."

Valkyrie felt the blush creep up even higher. She opened her mouth to tell her uncle that—

She wasn't sure what she wanted to tell Gordon, really. Well, she knew what she _wanted_ to say: yes, go away now, leave us alone, this is embarrassing enough as is. But she couldn't say that, could she?

Skulduggery was still looking down. Now, she was pretty sure he was actually inspecting the floorboards.

"Um," he said.

"Oh dear." Gordon sighed. "Well, I know when I'm not wanted. I must admit I didn't really expect this, but I suppose I've seen stranger things in my time. I'll leave the two of you to it, then." And with that, he vanished.

Skulduggery pushed his gloved hands deeper into his pockets and took a step closer to the window. "I should go. I'll stop by in the morning, pick you up."

"No!" Valkyrie reached out, nearly touching his sleeve before pulling back. "I mean, unless you have to, but… I'd rather you didn't."

He stopped and tilted his head, this time looking right at her. "Are you sure? I don't know if you noticed, but what just happened, it was rather, well…"

"Awkward?"

"Well, yes."

She shrugged. "What Gordon said, or rather implied… do you think he had a point?"

"I don't know. Did he?"

It was her turn to scrutinise the floor. "I think he may have. But if you don't think so…"

"I am a skeleton."

"I know."

"Technically, I'm dead."

"I know that too."

"And you still think he had a point?"

"Yes."

"You're a strange girl."

"And yet you like me anyway."

"Which is precisely the problem that we're now facing."

"Is it? A problem, that is."

"I _am_ a skeleton. Even if an exceptionally handsome one."

"I have noticed, believe it or not."

"Are you sure you're not ill? Coming down with a fever, that sort of thing?"

Valkyrie took a step closer to him. "Do I look ill?"

"Well, you do look rather flushed."

"I hoped you wouldn't notice that."

"It's my job to notice things. Clues and all."

"And what are those clues telling you?"

"That you are a very strange girl."

Valkyrie grinned. "Yes. Yes, I am."

She took another step, feeling emboldened. _Do I dare…?_ she wondered. She'd faced countless monsters, had very nearly been horribly murdered more often than she could remember, but this… this was far more terrifying.

She laid one hand carefully on his arm and the other on his shoulder, all the while aware of his empty eye sockets following her every move. Even though she'd reached her full and not at all unimpressive height by now, he was still at least half a head taller, so she had to tilt her head backwards a little. Feeling terribly self-conscious, and yet more than a little excited, she placed a gentle kiss on his jaw, letting her lips linger on the cool bone for a moment before pulling back.

"See? It won't work." His voice, velvety as ever, was tinged with regret.

"Says who?"

He hesitated. "Do you… Would it be better if I wore a face?" His hands went up to his collarbones, ready to touch the tattoos China had given him.

Valkyrie shook her head. "Don't. Please. It's – well, it's not you, is it?" She found China's skill impressive, and the façade worked much better as a disguise than his usual scarf, hat and sunglasses, but it was just wrong. A different face every time… She'd tried to guess what he might really have looked like, as the illusion did use his bone structure as its basis, but apart from the cheekbones and jaw line looking vaguely similar every time, she had no idea. And she hated that.

She let her fingers run up along his arm and shoulder until she was cupping his cheek. "I think I want to kiss you again. Are you okay with that?"

He stood very still. Finally he gave her the slightest nod.

"If you wish." He gazed down at her. "It felt… You know, I'm so accustomed to this body being capable of feeling _pain_. I keep forgetting it's not the only physical sensation I can feel. But I cannot imagine why you'd want to."

Valkyrie didn't answer, choosing to focus on the kiss instead. It _was_ odd; there was no way around that. It was nothing like the safe warmth of kissing Fletcher, or the almost overwhelming lust that had accompanied the kisses she'd shared with Caelan. She was kissing bone, and teeth, and they were cold and unyielding, and yet… She'd dreamed of this moment for a long while now. It simply felt _right_, somehow.

It was hard to tell, but from the small movements he made, she was pretty sure that Skulduggery was kissing her back. She moved her head, trying to find a better angle, when the tip of her nose slid into something.

"Oww." He pulled back. "That was my nose."

"Oh, god. I'm sorry. Did it hurt?"

"No. It was just unexpected."

"I didn't mean to do that."

"I didn't think you did."

She hesitated. "Other than that, was it okay?"

"Amazing." She could hear the smile in his voice.

"For me, too."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am. Really."

"Would you like to practice some more?"

"I would."

This time, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. Valkyrie decided this way was much nicer, except that her legs were starting to feel a little tired.

"Perhaps we could take this somewhere more comfortable?" she suggested.

Skulduggery cocked his head. "You're quite sure about this, are you?"

"Oh yes."

"It's getting late, though." He checked his watch. "And you, unlike some of us, need sleep."

Valkyrie tried hard to not let her disappointment show.

"Don't sulk," he murmured. "We can do this again tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that. I think we should take it slow to start with."

"Taking it slow is overrated."

"But patience is a virtue."

"Virtue is overrated, too."

"If I had eyes, I'd be rolling them now."

Valkyrie rolled hers. "Like this?"

"Exactly like that. Just that I was better at it."

He picked his hat up from the desk and dusted it off. "I'll pick you up in the morning. Sweet dreams." He opened the window and was gone.

Valkyrie grinned and closed the window. When she turned around, she was greeted by the sight of her uncle floating next to the bookshelf, his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

"Well. That was interesting."

"Gordon! Were you actually watching us? I can't believe this!"

"Of course I was. It's not every day one sees their niece snog one's good friend, who also happens to be a skeleton. I was curious."

"Please don't do that again."

Gordon sighed. "I'll try not to. So… there's going to be an again, is there?"

Valkyrie shook her head. "I'm not going to discuss my relationship with Skulduggery with you. I love you dearly, but there are things I am just not going to tell you. And now I'm off to bed."

* * *

Two weeks later, Valkyrie was half-sitting, half-reclining on the sofa in the living room, Skulduggery's arms around her, engaged in another round of practice. They were getting really quite good at it, she had to say. It might have had something to do with spending almost every spare moment kissing, at least when there was no one else around.

She wasn't quite ready yet to go public with this, especially not to Fletcher, who was still smarting from being dumped four months ago. Especially as he had guessed that Skulduggery was the reason for her reluctance to continue their relationship. She didn't want to rub it in. Yet.

She was, however, more than ready to take this particular relationship to the next level.

Valkyrie was just pondering whether a subtle hint would work better than launching a direct attack, when Skulduggery pulled back.

"You know, I never asked you," he said. "I thought, at first, that maybe you were just curious. About, well, me. And what it would be like. But whilst I know you've always taken research seriously, this _has_ been going on long enough for you to get your curiosity satisfied. So I'm left to deduce there is more to it than just that."

Valkyrie smiled. "Yes, there is."

"I've been unusually blind, haven't I?"

"Yes, you have."

"And you're enjoying agreeing with me, aren't you?"

Valkyrie grinned. "Very much so."

"So… how long has this been going on?"

"You mean when did I first realise I wanted to jump your bones?"

"That was terrible. But yes, that's what I meant."

"I'm not sure, to be honest. I didn't mark it down in my calendar or anything. But it's been going on for a while. It's why I broke it off with Fletcher, you know."

"That explains the evil glares he's been sending my way this year."

"Sorry about that."

"I'll live. Well, I'll continue being dead, but you know."

"Yeah."

She shifted a little, trying to make herself more comfortable. "What about you? I mean, is this just some kind of experiment to you, or…?"

Skulduggery looked at her. "What if I said it was?"

"I'd feel hurt, I suppose. Are you saying it is?"

"No. No, it isn't."

"Good."

"I can tell you exactly when it happened, you know. Unlike some people, I pay attention."

Valkyrie punched him in the arm. Not gently.

"Oww! What was that for?"

"You suck at compliments."

"I wasn't trying to pay you a compliment."

"I noticed."

"Good. Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I know exactly when my awareness… shifted, I suppose I should say. It was a couple of months ago, in China's library, and I was looking for a certain book, having to do all the hard work on my own as usual, while you were just standing there idly, chatting with China. And I glanced over at the two of you, standing there, and… I didn't even notice China. I only saw you. I know she was right next to you, but _you_ captured my attention."

"Wow."

"I know."

"I mean, wow. I didn't think it was possible. This _is_ China we're talking about."

Skulduggery raised a gloved hand to her face, letting his fingers stroke her cheek. "Yes, exactly. So at that moment, I knew that something had changed."

"Were you actually planning to tell me?"

"No."

"Ahh."

"I didn't expect you to feel the same way."

"Because you're a skeleton."

"That would be it, yes. Also, I'm old."

"You know, I've decided I don't mind. I happen to like you this way."

"Wouldn't a younger lover, or at least a flesh and blood one, be more pleasant?"

"You're very pleasant."

"And you're being silly."

"I've had a young, flesh and blood lover."

"Do we really have to talk about Fletcher?"

"You brought him up."

"I did not."

"Did too. Anyway, I prefer you."

"Even though I cannot really, you know…?"

She caught his hand in hers. "Have you tried?"

"Valkyrie, in case you haven't noticed…"

"…you're a skeleton. Yes, I have noticed this, believe it or not. And I do realise that there are, um, possibly, some bits that other men, who are not skeletons, have, that you might be lacking, but I've given this a lot of thought, and…"

"You've given this a lot of thought."

"Well, yes. And I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter. I'd still like to, you know. To try."

"You're such a weird girl."

"Thank you. Don't tell me you aren't even a little bit curious?"

Skulduggery hesitated. "What if you hate it?"

"Then we won't do it again. But what if I don't hate it? If we don't try, we'll never know."

"That is an excellent point."

"I have my moments."

Skulduggery lowered his head, until his teeth were grazing the side of her neck. "Are you sure you don't want me to wear a face? There are times when a tongue and a pair of lips are useful, even if they _are_ fake."

"I'm quite sure. I'll let you know if I change my mind."

"Okay then."

"Skulduggery?"

"Hmm?"

"As much as I like this sofa, wouldn't we be more comfortable in my bed?"

"You're trying to rush things again, aren't you?"

"Can you blame me? I mean, do you have _any_ idea what your voice does for me?"

"I do now."

"Good. Can we move to the bed now? Please?"

"It's been a while for me, you know."

"I'd guessed as much."

"I need some time to adjust to the idea."

Valkyrie sighed. "How much time? Five minutes? Ten? Half an hour?"

"I was thinking more like a few days. A week, maybe."

"_A_ _week?_"

"Do you mind? I have very sensitive ears. I don't really appreciate people screeching right into them."

"You don't _have_ ears."

"I have something fulfilling the same purpose. It's close enough."

Valkyrie placed her hands on his chest, intending to give him a shove. She could feel the ribs under his finely tailored shirt – the jacket had been carefully folded and put aside earlier. Her fingers itched with the desire to unbutton the shirt, to slide her hands in, to feel _him_ against her bare skin. But she knew better than to keep pushing him. Sometimes, it worked, but only when he wasn't _really_ opposed to whatever she was insisting. And with this, she didn't want to take any risks.

"Two days," she said.

"Two days," he agreed.

* * *

The doorbell cut into the silence, making Valkyrie jump. Doorbells were bad news, most of the time. And she was home alone, unless one counted her dead uncle. He was useless in a fight, so she didn't.

She opened the window, careful to avoid making any noise, and took a look. If it was a foe standing outside, it would be better to have him think there was no one home.

The sight that met her eyes in the semi-darkness of the evening was so unexpected she nearly lost her balance.

Skulduggery stood at the door, with something in his hand – were those _flowers_? – and looking quite uncomfortable.

Valkyrie rushed to the door and opened it with a grin. "Hello," she said.

"Here." He thrust the flowers at her. "And here." A box of chocolates followed. "May I come in now?"

Valkyrie stepped aside, letting him pass. "Why the door? And the doorbell?"

Skulduggery took off his coat, hung it up, and shrugged. "I thought I'd do things properly. It's been two days, you know."

"I thought that maybe you'd forgotten. Or changed your mind."

"I keep my promises. Or try to, anyway."

Valkyrie's heart made a joyous leap somewhere inside her ribcage. She made a mental note to pay more attention to it. Any more erratic movements and she'd have to see someone about it.

She put the flowers and the chocolate down and wrapped her arms around him, taking a deep and satisfied breath when he responded by searching out her lips and pulling her close. The kissing was going a lot better these days – once they'd worked out the angles and she'd got used to the lack of lips and tongue on his side, and to having to do most of the active work herself, it truly was amazing. From the small satisfied sounds Skulduggery was making, she was certain he was enjoying it just as much.

Two days, he'd said. And now he was back, he was here, and he meant business.

Valkyrie grinned against his teeth. She'd waited long enough. Her fingers found his tie and she grasped it firmly. "Bedroom. Now."

"Are you always this demanding?" he murmured into hear ear, following her obligingly. "Also, I do hope you know what you're doing. This will probably come as a shock to you, but for the first time in my life, I don't actually have a plan."

Valkyrie's legs wobbled a little at his voice. She loved his voice. It had been the first thing she'd really _noticed_ about him, back when they first met. Before she even knew what or who he was. That smooth, warm, sensual, velvety voice that was currently tickling her cheek and filling her insides with liquid heat. Skulduggery didn't need flesh or blood or muscle or skin to make her knees go weak with desire. It was enough for him to talk, and oh did he love to talk.

Poor Fletcher, sweet in his own way as he was, never really stood a chance. Not in the long term. Not while Skulduggery was still around.

She led him to her bedroom, slipping her ring off at the door, knowing how much he hated it. As they entered, she was suddenly rather less sure of herself. She had a pretty good idea, in theory, what she wanted to happen – what she hoped would happen.

But theory was one thing, and a real, living, bone-and-magic Skulduggery in her bedroom was something else entirely. It was bound to be embarrassing, and awkward, and she knew Skulduggery didn't really like being seen without wearing one of his immaculately tailored suits, and that no matter how often she'd handled one or another of his limbs, fetching them for him when yet another enemy had managed to tear off a bone or two, he was still feeling self-conscious about it, even when he pretended not to be…

Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.

Skulduggery must have sensed the change in her mood, as he touched her arm gently and looked at her. "Are you okay?"

"What? Oh. Yeah, I'm fine."

"You're not a very good liar."

She sighed. "I'm just – well, it just occurred to me that I've not really taken your wishes into consideration here, have I? I've just been pushing, and pushing, and not actually given you much chance to back off, and I know you must be feeling terribly self-conscious here and…"

Skulduggery just looked at her. "Valkyrie. Do you really believe that if I didn't want this – if at least a pretty big part of me didn't feel quite certain about wanting this – that you could actually have managed to bully me into this? Me?"

Valkyrie took a deep breath, feeling the panic slowly disappear. Skulduggery was right. The very notion was ridiculous.

"That's better." The smile was back in his voice. "When I told you I needed some time to adjust to the idea, that was just what I did. I thought about it, and I considered it carefully, from every angle, and I decided that yes, I'm okay with it. It's probably going to be terribly awkward for both of us, but I'm okay with that, too."

"Good. Thank you." She looked down. "Skulduggery… Whatever happens, it's not going to change things between us, is it?"

"Things have already changed between us."

"I know, but…"

"No, it's not going to change things."

She turned so that she was facing him properly. "In this case, where were we?"

"Right here, I believe." His gloved hands went up to her shoulders and he pulled her close.

Valkyrie closed her eyes for a moment, revelling in the way her body moulded into his. She breathed out, letting her senses follow the puff of air, feeling the way it moved across his jaw. Skulduggery tensed against her, relaxing again in an instant. She marvelled at how clear his body language could be at times, even without muscles to do the work for him – she was so attuned to it that she could often tell his mood just from the minute ways his stance shifted.

"You're wearing entirely too many clothes," she murmured.

"So are you."

"What should we do about it?"

His fingers moved to the sleeveless top she was wearing, pulling the zipper down. Valkyrie shrugged it off and went to work on the buttons of his shirt, while Skulduggery removed his tie and jacket and sent them flying through the air. They landed on the chair in the corner of the bedroom.

Valkyrie wondered for a moment if he was going to go and fold them up properly, but he didn't even glance at them, keeping his head angled in such a way that she was quite sure he was staring at her still bra-covered chest. She smiled, stopped working on his shirt and pulled the sports bra off over her head, hoping to see a reaction.

Skulduggery's jaw dropped – not literally, to Valkyrie's great relief. His magic was still holding everything together just fine. But yes, that was definitely a reaction. Valkyrie grinned, as he let his gloved hands slide up along her sides, cupping her breasts, his head tilted in a way that usually signified amazement and awe at something.

The smooth leather felt wonderful against her skin, but she wanted more. She'd rarely seen Skulduggery without his gloves, but those few precious memories of the long, white, graceful fingers had fuelled many a pleasant daydream.

She grasped his hands in hers. "The gloves. I want them off."

Skulduggery paused for a moment and then complied. He still had his shirt on, although Valkyrie was getting tantalising glimpses of the pale ribs beneath. She slid her hands inside his shirt, feeling the strong bones under her fingertips.

"Is this okay?" she asked, somewhat anxious about entering this all new territory. "Tell me what I am allowed to do; I don't want to cause you pain."

"This is fine. There was that one spot that was a little ticklish…"

"This one?" she asked, letting her fingers glide over his ribs again. "Or this?"

"… that would be it, yes."

She gave him a mischievous smile. "Do you mind?"

"I haven't been _tickled_ in, oh, a good 350 years now. Killed, maimed, had my bones broken more often than I'd care to remember – yes. But not tickled. I'd forgotten what a subtle and sophisticated form of torture it could be."

"Sorry."

"Don't be." He covered her hand with his bony fingers, pressing it closer. "This – this right here – is where my heart should be. Kenspeckle told me once that I never had one. He was wrong, of course. I think it's still there, just invisible."

Valkyrie blinked back the sudden onslaught of tears. "I think it's still there too," she whispered, curving her fingers around his ribs. Realising what she was doing, she instantly let go. "Ugh. Sorry. That must have hurt."

"Surprisingly, not very much."

"Oh – good. But still, I'll try to remember that these are your ribs, not convenient handles for me to hold on to."

"I'd appreciate that."

It was odd to see Skulduggery without his shirt on – the emptiness between his ribcage and the belt of his trousers, with only his backbone holding the two parts of him together. She suspected that he used magic to create the illusion of that space being filled when he was wearing a shirt, or perhaps Ghastly already added that in when he made Skulduggery's clothes, as it never _felt_ empty whenever she had hugged him.

Valkyrie wondered whether she should be feeling repulsed. Most people would be, she figured. But she wasn't most people, and this was Skulduggery. Her best friend. Her partner. The man – because yes, she thought of him as one – that she had, somewhere along the way, fallen head over heels in love with.

It didn't matter to her, except that it did nearly drive her mad with curiosity.

She placed her hands on his belt buckle, but Skulduggery batted them away. "My turn," he said, his voice so perfectly smooth that Valkyrie was certain he was now wielding it as a weapon of seduction, quite on purpose.

He took her hand in his and led them to the bed. Valkyrie sat down on the edge, but Skulduggery had other plans, shoving lightly at the air to make her tumble down on her back. Wisps of air curled around her nipples with the lightest of touches, making her ache for more. Skulduggery sat down next to her. He removed her trousers, quickly and pragmatically, setting them aside; her socks and the remaining underwear followed in quick succession. Valkyrie let out an embarrassing whimper when a tendril of cool air obliged his command and sneaked down between her legs.

She had barely managed to open her mouth to complain about the unfairness, when Skulduggery bent down and captured her lips with his mouth, barely managing to avoid their teeth clashing together. She shifted under him, trying to pull him closer, one hand sliding down to his belt buckle again. This time, he didn't stop her.

Skulduggery didn't wear underwear. That was something she hadn't known, but of course, it made sense. He hardly needed it. And it made her job that much easier, especially as he had already discarded his shoes somewhere, too, without her even noticing. Possibly when she was too busy kissing him at the door? She blinked once, deciding that his missing shoes weren't really something she should be thinking about just now.

There was something that was hard to ignore about Skulduggery, now that he was naked. For all that he was a skeleton (and that was certainly hard to ignore, now that he was naked), there was also something incredibly sexy about him – the broadness of his gleaming white shoulders, the wide expanse of his ribcage, the gentle roundedness of his pelvis and the narrowness of his hips… Valkyrie swallowed, a sudden wave of heat between her legs.

Skulduggery knelt down on the bed next to her. He ran his hands experimentally over her sides, applying the tiniest amount of pressure, while she was admiring the bold, hard lines of his limbs. He was all straight lines and angles and curves, a geometric masterpiece held together by magic and sheer force of personality. Valkyrie reminded herself to be careful; he'd lost bits of himself in fights before, and while he was an expert in putting himself back together, the process was, at times, excruciatingly painful.

"Skulduggery?"

"Hmm?" His hands had reached her breasts – ohh, those fingers were doing a _fine_ job indeed! – and he seemed completely absorbed in mapping out every bit of her body.

"How much can you actually feel?"

"How much?"

"I mean…" Her fingers trailed over his pelvis. "I mean… Can you actually, you know, feel pleasure?"

"Can I orgasm, you mean?"

"I suppose so. Yeah."

Skulduggery raised his head and looked at her. "Yes, I can. It was actually one of those things I found out while I was adjusting to the idea of us. And I cannot believe I'm telling you this."

Valkyrie blushed. She tried to imagine Skulduggery, sitting in his favourite armchair, or maybe on the sofa where she usually slept when she stayed over, fondling himself, trying to find out the limits of what he could do and feel.

"Obviously it's not quite the same as it was when I was still flesh and blood," he said, his hands never leaving her body. "But… I'm not even sure how to describe this, but I seem to be experiencing phantom sensations of various kinds. Not just the pain, but also pleasure; I can feel textures and smell scents; I can read the air and feel wetness. I am also aware of the cold and the heat, even though neither bothers me. There is a tingling feeling in my fingertips when I touch you, and as I've now found out, there are certain… spots, inside me, inside this framework, where the phantom sensations are present, too, if stimulated."

"You never tried to find out before?"

He shrugged. "Somehow, it never occurred to me. It didn't seem important. At first, I was too consumed with nothing but rage and a thirst for revenge. I spent the time honing this body into a weapon, working out how to use it to my best advantage. Looking for physical pleasure was the last thing on my mind. And then… I'd been a skeleton for so long by then already. I just didn't think about it."

Valkyrie kissed him.

"Now then," he whispered into her ear, "neither of us is wearing any clothes—" His fingers slid downwards along her body, across the toned muscles of her stomach, dipping lower and lower, until she let out a tiny gasp. "—and I think it's perhaps time to stop talking, and start doing this—," and one bony finger slipped between her legs, finding an exceptionally sensitive spot effortlessly, "—and maybe this—," with another finger joining the first, "—and then perhaps this."

His teeth nipped at her neck, gently enough to not leave a mark, but firmly enough for Valkyrie's whole body to jerk at the sensation, which in turn led his fingers slide deeper into her folds, spreading the moisture and stimulating what felt like every last nerve ending Valkyrie didn't even know she possessed. She gasped, attempting to rub herself harder against his fingers, but he pulled back, his head tilted at an awfully smug angle.

"If you tell me," Valkyrie panted, "that you've also been practicing this, on someone else, during all that _adjusting_ you were doing, I'll not be held responsible for my actions."

"I was actually expecting praise for the amazing skill I just showed, not death threats," he murmured, his voice once again melting Valkyrie's insides into a gooey puddle. "But no, I'm just naturally talented. And there are certain basic things one doesn't forget that easily, even if centuries go by."

She tried to get hold of his fingers and guide them back where she wanted them, but Skulduggery shook his head. "There is something else that I think we should try." He shifted on the bed, pulling Valkyrie down next to him. "What if I we tried something like this…"

Valkyrie found herself flat on her back, with Skulduggery on top of her. He was supporting himself on one elbow, putting just enough of his weight on her to feel good instead of too heavy. His ribs, solid hardness interspersed with warm air, rubbed against her breasts, making her nipples hard and her toes curl. He shifted a little, so that she could move, and when her knees were bent on either side of him and her back was arched, he was right there – it might have been his hip bone, but Valkyrie didn't know and didn't care, as long as it kept feeling this bloody marvellous – and it was precisely the right angle somehow, and she was rubbing herself against the smooth, cool bone, her brain barely registering that he was matching her rhythm, and that somewhere, there were little currents in the air, swirling and twirling and caressing her body in places even his long fingers couldn't reach—

When Valkyrie got her breathing back under control and opened her eyes again, she found herself staring right into Skulduggery's empty eye sockets.

"That," she declared, "was incredible."

"I thought as much."

"Did you, um…?"

"Um, no. Doesn't quite work this way. But once you've caught your breath, maybe you could give me a hand?" Skulduggery looked hopeful.

Valkyrie grinned. "Just give me a few hints along the way." She nudged him and he slid off obligingly, lying next to her on his side. "Er… Should I stay over here or move behind you, or…?"

"Here is good. Just reach around me and…"

Valkyrie's fingers were already making their way towards his back. She had no practical experience with anything of this particular sort, but she'd looked around on the Internet every now and then and had come across some rather interesting information regarding men and what some of them really liked, and as Skulduggery had said to go _around_ him, that pointed to only one option she could think of.

"Er, Skulduggery?"

"Yes?"

"Why around the back? Why can't I just stick my hand through from here?"

"Because that would hurt."

"Ah."

"You'll have to go around the back. Something to do with how the brain, which I admittedly don't actually have, interprets the impulses it gets from the nerves, which aren't there, I think. Sometimes it expects things to happen in certain ways."

"It's very confusing."

"I know."

She moved her hand around slowly, trying to gauge how she was doing from Skulduggery's reactions. His lack of breathing meant she had to rely only on his body language as well as on any sounds he might have been making, and he was currently holding himself very still, so she didn't have much to go on. Afraid of hurting him, she didn't want to poke around randomly; therefore she opted for sliding one finger into his pelvic cavity and moving it around slowly.

"A little to the left and up." Skulduggery sounded a little strained.

Valkyrie obliged, pushing a little on the air to make sure she'd hit the right spot, when his whole body jerked and shuddered and he let out a low growl.

"That was… That was good, yes?" Valkyrie asked.

He pulled her close. "That was _very_ good." He paused for a moment. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Skulduggery looked at her, his head cocked. "Valkyrie…"

She wasn't sure what he was going to say, and she didn't know if she wanted to hear it, so she interrupted him.

"Would you stay the night?"

"If you want me to."

"I do."

"Then I'll stay."

"And tomorrow night?"

"And tomorrow night. And any night after that, as long as you want me to, unless we're out chasing after the bad guys."

"If you do that, someone will eventually figure things out."

"Do you mind if they do?"

Valkyrie considered this for a moment. "Not really."

"Good."

"Fletcher might try to glare you to death once he finds out."

"I'd like to see him try."

"Do you think the others will mind?"

"I'm sure a lot of people will be horrified. It should be amusing to watch."

"You're a terrible person, you know."

"So I've been told."

"Good night, Skulduggery. Happy meditating."

He dipped his head to hers and brushed her cheek gently with his fingertips.

"Good night, Valkyrie."

The End.


End file.
